I Need You to Trust Me. Really?

Have you ever asked yourself, “Can I trust that person?” Or felt uneasy when a leader said, “I need you to trust me”? Trust isn’t something you ask for; it’s something you earn.

I once took on a role that I was excited about, but the organization was struggling. The budget was tight, the customer base was small, and the economy wasn’t great. Despite this, we had a core team of talented and dedicated leaders. Everyone was in the right role, and we could count on each other’s work. Over time, we realized that we respected and believed in each other. We took a risk—we started being honest about our challenges and weaknesses. We had tough conversations and aimed for
excellence. Our customer base doubled, and it became easy to tackle new challenges and projects.

This success repeated itself in multiple roles, and I thought I had cracked the code. But then, I took another position, followed the same steps to build trust, and didn’t get the same results. People were disengaged,
withholding information, and eager to leave meetings and head home. Few sought internal support.

The problem? A toxic person on the team that I hadn’t identified. It was subtle, and my faith in people backfired. Our team became a revolving door, and I eventually got burned. But I learned a lot about trust!

Trust is built over time through small acts of vulnerability. Real trust isn’t given after one positive interaction, but one bad experience can destroy it. There are people I’d trust with my life—but not with sending a mistake-free email! Before trust can be established, we need clarity on its three key aspects. Since trust is built through taking small risks over time, the acronym RISC can help us remember the three facets.

Reliability
Integrity
Synergistic Collaboration

Reliability asks, “Can I trust you to do your job well?” A reliable person has expertise, delivers consistent performance, and meets deadlines. If they hold a position of authority, they show proficiency in both managing tasks and leading people. If they need help, they communicate quickly
and seek assistance.

To assess reliability, ask:

• Has this person demonstrated excellence in their work?
• Do they keep their commitments and meet deadlines?
• Do they communicate openly without hiding potential issues?

Integrity asks, “Can I trust you to treat others with respect and act ethically?” Someone with integrity honors boundaries, speaks well of others even when they’re not present, includes diverse perspectives,
assumes the best in people, creates a safe environment, and adheres to ethical standards.

To evaluate integrity, ask:

• Does this person honor others in both their presence and absence?
  
• Do they believe the best in people, include others, and make it safe to
  disagree?
  
• Are they willing to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult?

Synergistic Collaboration asks, “Can I trust you to foster improvement and work well with the team while navigating challenges?” Strong teams have a growth mindset and can engage in healthy conflict while striving
for continuous improvement. A team member who embraces synergy won’t take offense easily and won’t cause offense carelessly. They confront issues and don’t shy away from tough feedback. A team with
synergistic candor thrives in constructive conflict and grows closer through challenges.

To assess synergistic collaboration, ask:

• Does this person highlight others’ strengths and stay approachable
  during conflict?
  
• Are they candid about challenges, their own shortcomings, and others’
  mistakes?
  
• Do they remain kind during disagreements?

I don’t let anyone simply ask for my trust—I look for proof. When I see evidence of trustworthiness in these three areas, I give them small opportunities to build further trust. This is how strong, trusting relationships and great cultures are created.