How dare you speak to me like that.

Rethinking Conflict: A Leader’s Role as Facilitator

Do you wish you could avoid the stress of conflict?

Maybe you can—at least the unnecessary stress.

One of my favorite roles in my career came with a serious downside—I had to handle customer complaints.

I was coaching incredibly high-performing gymnasts, some of whom went on to compete internationally for Team USA. I poured everything into creating a challenging environment, pushing each athlete to grow, and tailoring my coaching to their individual needs.

But for some parents, a coach is never good enough. And as a young coach still learning the ropes of leadership, I felt the weight of their concerns. I dreaded walking past the parents at the end of practice, knowing that all too often, another complaint was coming my way.

At first, I saw these conversations as something to endure—defending my decisions, justifying my methods, or trying to fix every concern on the spot. But over time, I made a shift that transformed the way I handled conflict and, ultimately, my leadership.

I had been approaching conflict the wrong way. I needed to take a different approach – one that made conflict easier and more productive. Here’s what I learned:

Many leaders step into conflict believing their role is to:

But what if conflict could be easier than that?

The Leader as Facilitator

Instead of taking on the weight of conflict as a defender, fixer, or judge, what if you approached it as a facilitator? Your job isn’t to absorb the stress or force a resolution—it’s to guide the conversation.

Here’s how:

  1. Anchor the Conversation in Shared Values – Before diving into problem-solving, ground the discussion in the group’s core values. Reminding everyone of the principles they collectively uphold creates a foundation for constructive dialogue.
  2. Discover Perspectives – Help everyone articulate their point of view. Conflict often arises because people feel unheard. Start by ensuring all voices are acknowledged.
  3. Imagine Possible Options – Once perspectives are clear, shift the focus from what’s wrong to what’s possible. Encourage creative thinking and collaboration.
  4. Agree on Goals – What does a good outcome look like? Aligning on shared goals turns conflict into a problem-solving exercise rather than a battle.
  5. Take an Action Step Aligned with Values – Progress happens when there’s a clear next step. Ensure that chosen solutions align with the shared values discussed at the beginning of the conversation.

The Power of This Shift

When you see conflict as an opportunity to facilitate growth and alignment rather than as something to fix or fight against, you create a healthier team culture. You also reduce your own stress—because you’re not responsible for “solving” everything alone.

Next time conflict arises, step into the role of facilitator. Anchor the conversation in shared values, guide the process, and watch as solutions emerge naturally.